


the void

by shocked_into_shame



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Possession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 20:11:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19302973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shocked_into_shame/pseuds/shocked_into_shame
Summary: Billy's mom visits him in the void





	the void

He's been here for what feels like weeks. Maybe months. He is stuck in this place - where the sky and the ground and the air in his lungs is  _ red red red  _ \- and he knows what he's doing on the other side. 

 

He knows what he's doing. But his legs are so tired. His brain vibrates in his skull. His arms are numb, radiating to nothingness in his fingertips.

 

So he sits. And he sighs. And he hangs his head low, the breath whooshing out of him. He could try to fight it. He  _ has _ tried to fight it. But fighting alone is so hard.

 

He hallucinating. That must be it. There's no other explanation.

 

Sometimes what he sees is bad. Sometimes good. As time goes on, it's getting worse.

 

The hold he has on himself, on his own thoughts and his own breath and his own blood rushing through his veins is slipping. It's as close to the feeling of  _ dying _ that he can possibly imagine. 

 

So it doesn't surprise him, then, not really. When she appears. She's beautiful, like an angel, just as beautiful as she was then, if not more so. Wispy blonde curls and bright blue eyes. A stark, crisp white dress shines beyond the darkness around him. 

 

It's like looking at the sun. 

 

"Oh," she says in that pitying voice she was always wont to use in times like these. She looms above him. "My boy. What have you gotten yourself into?"

 

He's dying for a cigarette. Instead he reaches for the hem of her dress and presses it against his face. "Mama. I don't know who I am anymore."

 

"It's not this. It was never supposed to be this."

 

"You left us," he gasps, feeling more alive than he has in eternities. The stiff linen of her dress scratches his face. It hurts. It soothes.

 

"You know I didn't want to," she murmurs. "But you needed to go on without me. You needed to cope."

 

He scoffs. "Clearly I couldn't. Can't. I'm a monster."

 

"No, my love." He can't bear to look at her shining face. "Not a monster. Not perfect, but not a monster either."

 

Hope settles deep in the pit of his stomach, blossoming like a weak little flower in a bitter spring. He wants to believe her. He wants to be better. To be better than  _ this.  _ He can believe her, he thinks. It would be so easy to believe her. 

 

But he has done bad things. Horrible things. He knows this. 

 

A rough hand grasps the curls at the nape of his neck and jerks his head upward. Whoever this is staring at him is no longer that beautiful angel. No, that mirage has been replaced. It's been replaced with a snarling, hideous version of his mother. She spits, "This is what you deserve."

 

He closes his eyes tight.  _ It's not real,  _ he thinks.  _ It can't possibly be real.  _ The grip on his hair recedes. 

 

He looks up. He's alone. No mother in sight. No one in sight. No hope.

 

Just the ache in his legs. And the pounding in his head. And the numbness in his arms. And the tears welling in his eyes. 

 

This is it. This is what he deserves. He has done bad things. And now this is what he deserves. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sad now


End file.
